Counting and Recounting
by cranberrysoup
Summary: It had been two years, five months, and fourteen days, and Freddy wasn’t getting any older and Zack wasn’t getting any younger and time marched on around them as it always had. FreddyZack if you tilt your head and squint real hard.


Summary: It had been two years, five months, and fourteen days, and Freddy wasn't getting any older and Zack wasn't getting any younger and time marched on around them as it always had. FreddyZack if you tilt your head and squint real hard.

Author's Note: This plot bunny is actually several years old, but I stumbled across it again recently and... this is what came out. It's a strange world.

Disclaimer: I claim no ownage.

**Counting and Recounting**

It had been two years, five months, and fourteen days.

Zack stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket, hunching his shoulders and ducking his head to avoid the frosty, buffeting winds. He picked his way carefully through the overgrown grasses, making his way to The Spot, the dead old tree creaking quietly as it always had beside the old highway. Zack sat down against it, feeling the familiar indent where his head rested so perfectly as he leaned back, shivering slightly in the freezing gust of air that reached him as a lone car sped past. He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply the crisp scent of gasoline and frozen dirt, and waited.

It wasn't long before he felt another presence settle down beside him. Zack smiled despite the numbness in his cheeks, as the warmth of familiarity surrounded him.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"It's been awhile."

"It's been a week."

Zack frowned guiltily. He hadn't meant to stay away for so long. "I'm sorry man, I was busy with school and the band, you know how it is..." he furrowed his brow. "I swear I'll make it up to you sometime, alright?"

Freddy smiled. "Dude, don't stress it. You're here often enough as it is, one week won't hurt anything."

Zack nodded, still frowning. "Sure," he said, making a mental resolution to come twice as often nonetheless.

Another car passed, and the breeze tousled Zack's hair. Freddy grinned affectionately.

"Soo... How've things been with Katie?"

Zack scowled. His off-and-on relationship with the brown-haired bassist was becoming the bane of his existence. No matter how much she insisted that she would love him forever, that she was there for him no matter what, that she cared for him more than anything... he just couldn't bring himself to feel much of anything for the girl. He liked her as a friend, really, but... that was it. No "special connection," no "soul mate," or any of that other lovey dovey emotional crap. He wasn't ready for love just yet. And her romantic persistence was really putting Zack through the wringer. He couldn't afford to lose such a great bassist, but at the same time he knew it was wrong to feign affection for business purposes. He kept trying to get the idea across that he just wanted to be friends, but... well, the message wasn't sticking. He really didn't want to hurt her, and that sort of large drama could actually be the end of the already drifting band, but Zack was becoming increasingly unsure of what else there was that he could do.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "We broke up again."

Freddy whistled. "That was fast. What was it this time? Late-night phone calls? Commitment?"

Zack's frown deepened, crease lines marring his forehead. "Guitar picks."

"...You're gonna have to elaborate a bit there, buddy."

Zack sighed in exasperation. "She got pissed when I refused to use the pick she had engraved for our anniversary," he explained, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets and shifting where he sat. He did _not_ want to talk about it.

"That's it?" Freddy arched an eyebrow. "Man, you're skatin' on thin ice."

"...Whatever." Zack muttered, leaning his head back and glaring up through naked branches at the icy blue sky. Freddy was quiet for the moment, leaving the pale brunette to his thoughts. Zack could feel the anger ebbing away despite himself. He could never stay angry for long when he was with Freddy; it was like some unspoken rule that the dynamic of their friendship, whatever that entailed, allowed no room for such sentiments. FreddyandZack did not mix with anger.

A car whizzed by, bringing with it a current of air that smelt sharp and metallic. _Where had he smelled that before?_ Zack mused, inhaling deeply.

"Hey..." Freddy said after awhile.

"Hmm?" Zack murmured, slowly pulling himself out of his reflections.

"Have you... put any more thought into, you know... trying to remember stuff?" Freddy asked cautiously. He looked at Zack with an expression that momentarily sent hot flares of anger up through Zack's body again. That was the look the adults gave him, and the therapists- pitying, careful, like he was some kind of ticking bomb to which the triggers were yet unknown.

Freddy saw the sudden change in his friend and backed down quickly. "Don't worry about it man, I was just wondering." He smiled reassuringly. "No pressure, really."

Zack sighed, anger leaving him as quickly as it had sparked. He rubbed his nose tiredly. "I try and try, but I can't seem to get anything new." _ Screeching tires, screaming brakes. Ringing peals of laughter cut short. Darkness._

It had been two years, five months, and fourteen days since the night that Zack couldn't remember. He didn't feel like he was getting any closer to his memories, and it was wearing on him immensely. He was tired. More tired than anything.

Zack thumped his head back against the indented tree trunk, staring up again at the sky. A car passed slowly this time, ancient engine grumbling and muttering inanely as it went.

"Hey," Freddy said quietly. "Could I help?"

"How?" Zack snorted, still gazing past the barren branches.

"Well, there's this meditation thing I heard about," the blond explained as an ironic grin spread slowly across his face, wry tone making it clear what little stock he put into his own suggestion. "I figured it might be worth a try."

Zack had to smile at the playful twinkle in his friend's eyes. "Sure, whatever," he said, sighing loudly in mock exasperation. "Why the hell not?"

"Alright!" Freddy exclaimed, rubbing his palms together in a businesslike manner and getting to his knees. "You gotta be standing up, and find something to concentrate on," he explained.

Zack did as he was told, rising to his feet and casting about for something to focus upon. Finally he settled on the peculiar dent in the tree trunk. He turned to face it as Freddy stood behind him and placed his cool fingers against Zack's temples.

"Okay, now relax your knees and breathe in deeply." Freddy's voice was quiet and soothing as he began to gently massage Zack's temples. Zack felt himself loosen up, in spite of the fact that he felt rather silly, standing there and staring at a deformed tree. Freddy's touch was soft, and it felt nice. He breathed in slowly and then out again. A crisp breeze wafted through his hair, and the overgrown grass rustled all around. He took another breath, and another.

Zack studied the pattern of bark, the way it was sliced right there, at the center of the indent, and wondered idly what had caused it.

Another car rushed by, bringing with it the scent of-

_-coppery, metallic liquid, rusted metal, shrill sirens, throbbing pain and blood, the blood was everywhere..._

Zack cried out suddenly, falling to his knees-

_-screeching tires, screaming brakes, and the moment of impact with a solid __**thud**__ that sent his heart ricocheting out of his chest-_

-and Freddy was there in an instant, by his side-

_-laughing maniacally, hysterically as the car careened down the empty road, the feeling of weightlessness, flying-_

-kneeling down to peer into his face and ask him if he was alright, chocolate eyes meeting coffee brown-

_-slumped over the steering wheel, completely motionless, and there was so much blood..._

Zack gasped and his stomach heaved, hands pressed to the cold dirt as he retched up the contents of his belly. Eventually he came to his senses enough to feel the cool breeze of a hand against his forehead, massaging his shoulders, whispering meaningless comforts into his ear.

Zack looked up again into those coffee eyes, saw the reassuring grin-

_-on that black-and-white photo resting atop the urn, youthful and exuberant and heart-wrenchingly full of life, like that ringing laughter, cut short in an instant-_

-and then suddenly Freddy was gone.

It had been two years, five months, and fourteen days since the night that Freddy Jones died.

The realization struck Zack like a deadweight. A heavy hand pressed down on his shoulders for an endless moment-

_-"Stop bein' such a pussy all the time, willya? Live a little! Cuz man, when it comes down to it..."_

_-screeching tires, screaming brakes-_

"_-Freddy, please, c'mon man this isn't funny, please wake up-"_

_-"Zack! Oh thank goodness you're alright, I was so worried; when the hospital called-"_

-all this confusion, all this time spent grieving without allowing himself to see it for what it was-

_-"Just shut UP! I've had it with your stupid therapeutic bullshit; just leave me alone!" and it only infuriated him more to see their pitying stares-_

_-slumped over the wheel, completely motionless-_

_-"Hey, I got my pops' car tonight, we should totally go do some joyriding-"_

_-that ringing laughter, cut short in an instant-_

_-"Zack? Hey, nobody's heard from you in weeks-"_

_-the feeling of weightlessness, flying through the air, soaring with exhilarating speed to wherever, whenever, it didn't matter-_

"_-just think you should get out every once in awhile! You can't hole up in your room forever-" but Zack hadn't stayed to hear the rest; he grabbed his backpack and stormed from the house, walking until he found himself at The Spot, slumped to the ground and pressed his forehead to the dent in the trunk of the tree-_

_-and Freddy flashed that brilliant grin, hand already on the clutch; laughter like bells as he said, "Dude, stop gettin' caught up in all the details-"_

_-"Time of death-"_

_-"Cuz man, when it comes down to it..."_

"_-11:23 PM-"_

"_...you just gotta live."_

_Freddy winked, grin spread impossibly wide, as he pressed his foot to the pedal and sped off down the empty road._

And then, just as quickly as it had appeared, the weight on Zack's shoulders was gone.

He was free. Flying. Laughing.

He laughed into the air, and the sound rang around him in stark relief with the barren highway.

A car passed by, and Zack smiled into the breeze that it brought, feeling the cool breath of Freddy's laughter as it continued on down the road.

It had been two years, five months, and fourteen days, and Freddy wasn't getting any older and Zack wasn't getting any younger and time marched on around them as it always had, except that this time-

_-Zack stood up, brushed off his knees, and walked away._


End file.
